Penn Badgley compares romantic relationships to gardening, and the metaphor is spot on

Annie Reneau
Sat, 06 Dec 2025 20:39:03 +0000
Brooklyn botanical gardens, Falling in love, Garden, Gardening, Joe from you, Love metaphors, Penn badgley, Relationship analogy, Relationships, Love

Poets and philosophers have been using metaphors and analogies to try to define love for millennia, so it seems like we would have heard them all by now. But Penn Badgley, whose role as serial killer Joe in the TV series You couldn't be further from his real-life persona, has shared a metaphor for relationships that is hitting home.

Badgley has been married to his wife, Domino, since 2017, and he shared on the Mighty Pursuit Podcast some thoughts on the difference between falling in love and being in a real, long-term relationship. He explained that the initial experience of falling in love is "a total dream state that does not last."

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"It's like the 'falling in love' energy," he says, "and if you go real hard and fast, then you'll burn through it quickly, and if you go slow it might last two years." But the physiological addiction of love, the infatuation period, always comes to an end. "And then, what are you left with?" he asks.

He talks about allowing your partner to be a whole person, with qualities that might be unattractive or uninteresting or imperfect. "Love on those terms is completely different," he says.

"You know, you go to the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens. It's gorgeous. Being in love—falling in love—is like walking through the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens. Maybe you've gotten a free ticket. You walk in, you're like, 'Wow, this is beautiful.'"

Bluebells at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens. Rhododendrites/Wikimedia Commons

"I think being in a relationship is more like being a gardener at the Botanical Gardens," Badgley says. "It's like, you know how this all works. And you got to do some work, but that should be joyful, because you're making it beautiful. You go from being a passive person visiting a garden exhibit to becoming a master gardener. You really have to understand things about the soil, just the diversity of the plants that affect one another."

"The ecosystem of one person's interior and another is like that," he continues. "It's like the interaction of ecosystems. They have to find balance. And when they do, there's this really lovely, new kind of perfection."

The analogy is a powerful one that might help people who may be familiar with the falling in love experience but not so skilled in the being in a relationship part. Falling in love is passive enjoyment. Being in a relationship is learning how to create beauty and maintain it, building skills and understanding as you go.

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"So many people these days want the botanical garden without putting in the gardening work. I love this analogy???."

"Wow the way he explained this is so mesmerizing and relatable."

"His example of garden/nature is perfect; relationship/your partner is sacred. It shouldn't be treated as anything less."

"This is a very good analogy, most just want to visit daily vs becoming a gardner."

"The garden comparison was brilliant, very bright man who knows the hardships and struggles of a relationship but learning how to navigate through it to make it something meaningful and beautiful!!!"

"Hearing a man talk about relationships in this way gives me hope."

For relationships to work, having a comprehensive view of what love means and how you and your partner's "ecosystems" work together is super helpful. Love may not be simple or easy, but when you're dedicated to learning the skills to nurture it, you can go beyond just enjoying the pretty scenery and work to co-create something even more beautiful.

Watch the full Penn Badgley interview on Mighty Pursuit here:

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