Communications expert shares the 5-word phrase to shoot down rude comments

Tod Perry
Sun, 04 May 2025 17:49:59 +0000
Comebacks, Witty comebacks, Go high, They go low, Office advice, Snide remarks, Rude people, John bowe, Amy gallo, Communications experts, Confident comebacks, Assertiveness, Confident employee, Bad coworkers, Communications skills

There’s nothing worse than getting caught off-guard by a rude comment, whether it’s someone in line at Starbucks, a coworker saying something passive-aggressive, or a family member taking a shot at you for being single. Once the insult hits, you get flooded with negative emotions, and your brain goes into overdrive. Should I say something back? What did they really mean? You think to yourself. That’s why it’s great to have a response in your back pocket, so that you don’t say the wrong thing in haste, making the interaction even worse.

How to respond to a rude comment

John Bowe, a speech trainer, award-winning journalist, and author of “I Have Something to Say: Mastering the Art of Public Speaking in an Age of Disconnection,” recently shared the perfect five-word phrase to keep handy next time someone makes a rude comment to you: “Do you really mean that?”

“Say it with outrage or dripping sarcasm, with raised eyebrows or deadpan calm. It doesn’t matter. This phrase is quietly disarming and deceptively powerful,” Bowe writes for CNBC. Bowe says the response does two great things for you. First, it gives them a chance to reconsider their words because most rude comments are said without thinking. “By responding with curiosity instead of defensiveness, you’re holding up a mirror. Often, that’s all it takes for the other person to walk back their offense,” he writes.

A woman gasping. via Canva/Photos

Secondly, it shifts the power dynamic. “You’re not on your heels anymore — you’re in control. And instead of lashing out or escalating, you’re putting the responsibility back where it belongs: with the person who made the rude comment,” he writes.

When you respond by asking them to clarify their comments, you put them in a position where they are almost forced to backpedal or apologize. At least, you’ve neutralized the situation unless the other person rants to escalate.

How to respond to a rude comment at work

Amy Gallo, at the Harvard Business Review, offers additional comebacks with similar meanings she suggests people can use at work. Gallo is a workplace expert who writes and speaks about effective communication, interpersonal dynamics, gender, difficult conversations, and feedback.“You might even ask the person to simply repeat what they said, which may prompt them to think through what they meant and how their words might sound to others,” she writes.

A man criticizing another man's work. via Canva/Photos

Here are Gallo’s suggested comebacks:

“What was your intention when you said…?”

“What specifically did you mean by that? I’m not sure I understood.”

“Could you say more about what you mean by that?”

“Did I hear you correctly? I think you said…”

The great thing about these responses is that they allow you to take the high ground without having to resort to lowering yourself to their comment. The reactions are confident and will enable you to expose the other person by simply asking them to clarify their comment. It’s like a judo master using his opponent's force and weight against them to gain leverage. It’s the type of assertive response that would definitely make most people think twice about insulting you again.

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