Chaplain who comforted thousands of dying people reveals their most common regret

Tod Perry
Fri, 07 Feb 2025 19:14:08 +0000
J.s. park, Joon park, Hospice, Chaplain, Death, Death regrets, Greatest regrets, Tampa, Florida, Comfort, Christianity

The regrets of the dying are tragedies for those who are leaving this world. However, for the living, they can be valuable lessons on how to live a happy and meaningful life that benefits others. That way, when we reach the end, we can do so peacefully, knowing that we got the most out of this one lifetime.

Joon Park, who goes by J.S. Park on social media, is a chaplain at Tampa General Hospital who describes himself as a “grief catcher” and is the author of “As Long as You Need: Permission to Grieve.” He has sat at the bedsides of thousands of people who are in the process of passing away, and that’s given him a very unique perspective on life. He knows the greatest gift to give to the dying is listening so they can feel heard before they leave this world.

What’s the biggest regret of the dying?

He told CNN that in his conversations with the dying, there is one regret that he hears the most: “I only did what everyone else wanted, not what I wanted.”

“Many of us near the end realize we were not able to fully be ourselves in life – we had to hide to survive,” he continued. “It was not always our fault. Sometimes, our resources, the systems, and culture around us did not allow us to. My hope is always to fully see and hear this patient, who is now finally free. ”

A man in the final moments of his life. via Canva/Photos

It must feel terrible to walk through life feeling like a square peg in a round hole, having a job you don’t like, a spouse who doesn’t understand you, or having to live up to standards that you didn’t create. It’s upsetting that many people experience this, and Park’s advice reminds us to ask ourselves a serious question: Am I living my life or the life someone else has chosen for me?

Park said that people's most common fear towards the end of their lives is whether their loved ones will be okay after they’re gone.

“Will my loved ones be OK without me? Who will look after Mom? Who will take my dad to the doctor? How will my son and daughter get along without me? Even my patients who are most at peace with their dying are still anxious about how their own death will affect their family,” he says. The fear shows that even when people are ready to leave this world, they never stop caring for those closest to them.

“This is almost an empathic anticipatory grief, experiencing the grief of the other person’s future loss. We are so connected that often we worry about how other people will be affected by our own death,” Park said.

See on Instagram

How to know if you're living your own life

How do we know if we are living our own life and not that of others? It’s a big question, but according to Follow Your Own Rythm, a great place to start is to stop letting fear or society’s expectations dictate your path. Instead, express yourself freely, follow your passions, live by your core values, and spend time with yourself, touching base with your thoughts and feelings. You’ll know you’re living your life when it begins to feel more harmonious and authentic.