Relationship expert shares 4 signs you're the 'fringe friend' and what to do about it

Tod Perry
Thu, 24 Jul 2025 03:33:11 +0000
Core groups, Fomo, Friend groups, Fringe friend, Group text, High school kids, Left out, Missed out, Outcast, Sad woman, Social groups, Feeling invisible, Christie ferrari, Friendships

Do you ever get the feeling that you are the “fringe friend” in a social circle? You’re not quite part of the “core” group—although you may have been at some point—and these days you feel like more of an afterthought. You may get invited to the big events, but miss out on smaller lunches, and feel out of the loop on the core group’s day-to-day lives.

Feeling excluded can be hurtful and stressful. You end up wondering to yourself: Am I worthy of being a friend? Did I do something wrong? You may also feel pressured to attend every event you’re invited to because it may be your last. Dr. Christie Ferrari shared the pain of being a “fringe friend” in a recent Instagram post that received millions of views.

Ferrari is a Johns Hopkins-trained clinical psychologist with a background in CBT, DBT, behavioral psychology, and motivational models.

Here are Ferrari’s four signs you’re the “fringe friend” and why it hurts more than you think.

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1. You know everyone's story, but no one stops to ask you yours.

In this imbalance, you know everything about your friends, but they know nothing about you, leaving you feeling invisible.

2. You used to be the one who always reached out. But after being ignored or canceled on too many times, you gave up—and no one noticed.

This is a huge indicator of a relationship that’s out of balance. "They noticed when you offered something but not when you pulled back," Ferrari told Newsweek. "That's because they valued the function, not the friendship."

3. You brought two people together, and now they hang out without you.

It can be extremely painful when you get aced out of a relationship that you helped create.

4. They say you're always welcome, but never actually invite you.

Ferrari calls this “passive” exclusion, where you’re neither left out nor exactly invited.

A woman is left out of a group project. via Canva/Photos

The viral video inspired others in the comments to add their signs that you’re a “fringe friend” as well. “You show up for their events and they don’t show up for yours,” a commenter wrote. “Add in: you show up to the event alone but somehow everyone else carpooled,” another added.

One commenter perfectly explained the pain: “Social media makes being the fringe friend even harder. You see all the times you weren’t invited…”

Ferrari did a great job of explaining what it means to be the fringe friend, but she didn’t leave everyone hanging. In another Instagram post, she shared three pieces of advice for fringe friends if they’re tired of feeling like an outcast. As the old saying goes, you can’t change people, only how you react to them. Here’s how you can react differently.

Three things to stop doing if you're tired of being the fringe friend

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1. Stop being the only one to reach out; you're chasing them. Pause for two to three weeks and see who notices the space you used to fill.

2. Stop overexplaining; it signals you don't fully belong. Instead, stick to two to three sentences max; it stops your urge to prove yourself.

3. Stop hiding parts of yourself to be accepted; people can't connect fully with you if you do. Instead, say one honest thing per hangout.